The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't turn off my feet"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
