can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just gift wrapped bread.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
