you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
