well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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