The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
