um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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