Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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