I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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