im drinking this country out of the recession.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
