i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're a waste of cheezeits
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
