girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
