So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We talked him into tasing himself.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
