So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
