i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
