yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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