Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
