if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
