i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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