Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I still have a little drunk in my system
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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