When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
