I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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