Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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