Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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