I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
