Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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