He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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