They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
