I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
