this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
