I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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