So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
