Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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