My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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