Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
