Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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