just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
