the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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