Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
