When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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