we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
