why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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