Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
