If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
