life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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