Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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