Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
