If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
