I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
