You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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