so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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