I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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