Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
