Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
