I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
