My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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