you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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