Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
