he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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